Thursday, August 12, 2010

It's the Fear


Mine is a story about the fear of fear. It's about knowing when you ought to do something, but not being brave enough to do it, for fear of ridicule or rejection, and not being forgiven. This fear is debilitating, stopping you in your very tracks, when you know it would be best to push forward.

It's as though I have come to the beginning of an important race, yet all my thoughts are about the fear that Fear will hinder me from doing my best. It is the fear of the sailor, that the Fear will stop him saving his captain during a vicious storm. Or the fear of a singer, that Fear will silence her voice when she most needs it.

Perhaps a better word for it would be uncertainty. The sailor is uncertain whether he will be able to save his captain, and the fear stops him from trying because he doesn't want to face his failure. The same with the singer. The same for me.

I am uncertain of whether now is the time to push on, whether I should let things lie as they may, and yet, I'm not certain of whether I can face the consequences of my indecision. The fear of failure stops me in this fork in the road. Which way will be the best to take?

You can't ever know. Even upon choosing a path, the wonder about the other haunts you, drawing your mind into situations of what could have been, whether it may have been better.

The only thing I know is that I don't want to be the one who is left crying on the stairs at the end of it all.

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