If you are determined enough you can change your life to be the way you want it to be. You will be able to awake every morning next to your lover, have them kiss your eyelids while you whisper "hello love." You will be able to step into your clothes and not feel that you are assuming the mantle of a different person, nor feel that the fabrics hide who you are.
You can feel happy. You know it to be true, so why do you hesitate to reach for that which would absolve you of your mistakes, and reorganise your thoughts so that you look to the future, not the past? It would not be easy, of course, but you are throwing up your own obstacles that need not be there. Take your life into your own hands just this time; the next time, I will not have to tell you.
And maybe, just maybe, against that tiny glimmer of hope still burning in your heart, you might actually reach what you deemed unattainable. Those dreams, scrawled on those pages may actually become a reality.