Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Eye of the Beholder

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I've never found you more beautiful than now; the forbidden always looks more attractive. Yet I suspect that if I were to try, I could make you want me all over again, and make you lift the ban you've placed on us.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is true; it is because you begin to forget all the flaws, you begin to overlook them, focusing instead on all the good qualities, the ones which made you fall in love in the first place. I wonder if your heart's grown fonder of me in my absence, the way mine has grown fonder of you. But then, perhaps it has grown more bitter. It is unfortunate that I do not have the ability to read the human heart.

I do not deny that around other people my attitude towards you changes, that I grow bitter and angry and annoyed at the things you do. It is a mask for how I truly feel, for I think it is more acceptable to feel angry than to still love you. I am conforming to what I think society expects from me in our current circumstances. While it is a lie, it is not entirely a falsehood either; but I am learning to look beyond what vexes me.

Amazingly, as closely as you kept me, I never felt caged, though you feared that I would beat at the bars you'd placed around me, as though escape was the only thing I thought of. However, I never thought of escape. I experienced far more freedom with you than you would believe. I know you would not believe it, you think that you incarcerated me too much; I say you freed me much more. Physically you imprisoned me, but emotionally I was at liberty. You should understand that that is something I will take with me for the rest of my life.

Supposing though, that it worked the other way too, then I recognise that I must have imprisoned you also. Although I did not feel chained, perhaps you did? Maybe that is why you needed to fly from me. I suppose I must say that I understand. After all, everyone longs to fly. Everyone deserves that chance.
I hope the flight has been enjoyable, and that you have taken some important life lessons from it. But I also want you to know that although you may want to return at the end of it, I may already have taken flight once more. Perhaps we'll meet mid air someday.

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