Saturday, September 11, 2010

Custodians of Lonely Hearts

I looked out my window to see the tiny crescent of the moon, glowing against the purple twilight sky. She feels like a guardian, watching over us as we go about our dreaming. She represents the most important cycle of life; that things come and pass, and nothing ever stays the same. You can see that truth in the dark half of the moon, still outlined, although the light of the rest makes it fade. Each month she passes through the phases of life, from birth to maturity to death, forcing us to remember that balance; the Ancients called her the Triple Goddess, and we do well to remember their truth.

She is accompanied by her friend, the Even Star. They guard the night while we sleep, while we dream; Immortal comforters of those who must pass. Until the afterglow of sunset dies they are the only ones in the sky, stealing moments alone before the rest of the stars appear to share in their light; I remember times when we were the same.

Now I wonder where you are, what you're doing, what you're seeing, feeling, thinking; wondering whether you're thinking about me. Beside me the candles flicker, and the light of that crescent moon and the star shine down through the slats of my Venetian blinds, and I exhale to the pulse of the ballad playing beside me, the powerful vocals expressing my very own thoughts. The sky has become draped in the darkest navy velvet, studded with that guiding light, listening to my heart's theme.

I have come to terms with the fact that I wasn't supposed to love you. Though I still wonder about you, I now wonder something else; whether there is someone else, sitting alone in the dark, listening to their own piano ballads, staring at the same thing I am. Are we supposed to meet, they and I? Will the moon and the Even Star,  those constant friends, those self same lovers, draw us together? Will those match makers of the sky bind us as we both stare at them upon their velvet throne, we, unknowing, until we collide during some lonely day. Will that ordinary day become the most cataclysmic of our lives?

I wonder what the sun will look like gleaming off their hair, what colour their eyes are, how they smell. I know that their disarming smile will make my stomach lurch everytime, I know that I won't feel out of place in their life, the way I did with you. We'll begin our first conversation, "I love you," with no question of "how could I fall for you?"

I send a prayer up to the moon "Please don't make me wait much longer. My heart can't take it anymore; I'm afraid it's going to explode within my chest and splatter all my love inside me. If I don't love, there isn't a point to this life of mine."

I wait in eager anticipation of the time when they and I become a "we"; the union of two separate entities. We'll lie beneath the curtains of light, on one beautiful night, the mother moon the smiling witness to our tryst. We'll whisper things that only the trees will hear, while we, entangled in one another, slowly fall asleep.

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