Sunday, December 12, 2010


I'm so small, and the world is so big, but I feel like I'm trapped in a place where nothing changes. For so long, I lived well within these bounds, and now my deepest wish is to break free of them, cross them, not merely gaze out into the life that they keep me away from.

I look at others and hate them, think them stupid, but what's worse is that part of my hate stems from the wish that I was like them. For once, I want to be the wild one, irresponsible, free; and yet, as I say that, I know it cannot be, I would despise myself for becoming that person, but hate the world for not being them also.

We move in such limited circles, among people we have known too long. For me, I understand that they will not be the ones to introduce me to the life I've held back thus far. I want to meet someone who will. It's why I looked forward to leaving so much. I wish it would hurry, that this person and I could crash into one another in a blaze of smiles and laughter and trust, so that my journey into discovery may begin. I can't wait anymore, the time is upon me to grow; I can't hold it back any longer, for fear of it tearing me apart from within as it tries to break through the barriers of my current life. I'm tired of the suspended animation.

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