Even you succumbed to the negativity that surrounds people, as we all sometimes do. Often I would hope that despite the fact that a great many people did not hold you in as high esteem as you would have liked, that you would see past that anyway and appreciate your beauty. Sometimes I would hope that like with the rain, people would take the time to look a little closer and admire you. But mostly I hoped that you would see it for yourself by somehow pushing past all the insecurities you harbour and all the mistakes you've made, and most especially by ignoring all the stupid things I said but didn't mean. I wonder if you ever did. I suppose I'll never find out, but I may still hope.
You must understand that I could not be around someone who was trying to change themselves; your hair, your weight, your body, your looks, the way you dressed. I could never comprehend who you were trying to impress, not when I thought you were perfect the way you were, and yes, I say that even though I have said things to the contrary, but that is what happens when someone you love cannot love themselves the way you love them - frustration at their inability to see sparks anger which always proves to be your downfall, for as it cascades around you, words you wish you didn't even think come tumbling forth and spill into the universe from where you cannot take them back. You point out the negative simply because they cannot see the positive when you try to show them that. In the end, I suppose you weren't trying to impress a specific person, but anyone. You just wanted someone to notice because it would build your self worth and that's where I failed you. I should have told you all the good things, especially in your bad times. If I'd been more acknowledging, and you'd been more appreciative of yourself, we would not be where we are today.
As it is, it was a lesson learnt from a tragedy. It was a lesson on how to treat another person, on how misery and love can live side by side, and on how a person can be more addictive than a drug. And even though you can give up on a drug, the feelings that accompanied it will come back to haunt you now and then. Do you say hello and shake hands, or do you keep walking, ignoring the temptation to recognise it, stubbornly repeating to yourself the mantra "it is dead"?