Monday, March 28, 2011

Secrets and Walls

There are more secrets here than stories. Among us 5 people, there are more walls than there are in the house we live in. None of us really know what's going on in each other's lives. None of us really care. I'd rather hide my true face behind a fa├žade than expose myself to them. I can't be that vulnerable, I can't explain everything; I know they wouldn't take it very well, and I'm afraid of being shown the door. I may not love them as I should, but at least they provide food and shelter. I would not fare so well without them. At least not for the moment. But I know I definitely cannot stay here forever. My sanity wouldn't hold up - already there are cracks, as I'm sure you've seen. If I stay longer than necessary, then my sanity may end up being devoured by madness. I don't want to spend the rest of my life among 4 walls which never change, and visits from doctors to see how I'm faring on another day. So yes, while I may be using these people, it's a means to an end. And it won't last forever, I'll make sure of that.

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