Thursday, April 21, 2011


You know what? I've learnt what it's all about. This feeling which settles on me, this yearning for something else, for someone, it's not about one someone. It's about finding a group. It's about finding acceptance for who I am and being loved for it. It's about being a part of something bigger. We've all got something to die for, but how about something to live for? That's what it is - it's about finding something to live for, something to fight for. It's about a common thread which binds you to others, tied so tightly that absolutely nothing can break it; not force, not grief, not the worst of humanity. And you know why? It's because it will bring out the best of humanity in you. It will make you a better person. That's what this is all about. For so long I thought that empty space was meant to be filled with someone, that one person who was going to come along and make it all better. But that's wrong. There is no one person; collapsing into someone's arms is not going to make all the problems go away, it's probably just going to create new ones. The truth is, that empty space can only be filled by myself, but only when I've found the happiness through belonging to a group who are just like me; or not like me, but people that I'm inexplicably bound to, no matter what. I have to bring that happiness upon myself, but that's only going to happen when I can find myself, that true self of mine who will allow me to fill myself with that happiness. And it's out there, I can feel it, like I could stumble upon it around the next corner. I just have to be brave enough to take up the challenge, to step outside my bounds and really let myself grow into that happiness. Maybe it sounds stupid. Maybe I'm wrong. But I doubt it; some things you just know. I know that there is something I'm passionate about, and I know that somewhere there are people passionate about the same thing, and that we'll somehow be mystically drawn to one another, and we'll bond, and we'll create a force to be reckoned with. We'll probably be both fragile and invulnerable all at the same time, but we'll get through anything that life has to throw at us because we'll always have each other. I know it's not going to happen while I just sit around and wish -  I'm going to need to take action. But it's close now, I can feel it. There's finally a sense of optimism in the air.