Rivers and Boats

It always leads me to drift this way, along a branch of the river that's different from the ones that everyone else is drifting down. It's disheartening in some respects, because I lose what I hold dear, but at the same time, it's a comfort, a familiar place, where I'm on my own and don't have to think of the worries associated with other people. It's a lonely path, but that's something I've grown accustomed to, and even so, it's not always lonely; I cross paths with many streams and creeks, each bringing their own lot of people into my little river which cleaves its way through the countryside of Life. If you think about it, it's always been this way; me weaving my way in and out of your lives, but never a true part of them. After all, I was always the outsider, perhaps not because you made me, but because that's just how I felt. Never yet have I found people I felt truly in tune with.

I hope that that changes, that there are people whom I will find who are the same as I, who understand me, and who I have no reserves at being open with, and who I will never feel the compulsion to leave or drift, like I have with every single other person in my life. You know, when you walked in, I thought that perhaps you could be one of those people. It was as though something undefinable passed through me, caressing me and holding me, telling me that you could be someone ridiculously important to me. But then you turned around and walked away, even if reluctantly, or so it seemed to me. I do hope that you felt something similar and that you'll return sometime soon, because it would be nice to flow along the same river with someone, even if for a short while. For everyone else, I thank you for your time, but now I have to fight the urge to drift away, so perhaps it's time to let go of you all. We'll see, in any case; whatever will be will be. But I can always wish, and hope that those wishes steer my boat at least just a little bit: I don't want to be the lone tree on the bank of the river forever.